On the Road Again.

This is a weird post to compose. I am a myriad of emotions when posting it. Though I've been aware for some time of its subject, only a select few have been privy to the details.

I'm 32 years old. In two months time, I will be 33. I will turn over a new calendar year in an all new state, literally. My address, my environment, will be foreign to me as I welcome this new year.

Another new beginning.

I will soon exit Los Angeles. God, I tried. I did. I didn't get to try as often as I would have liked at the things I hold dear to my heart, but somehow those things are tarnished by this Hollywood light. I came here idealistic, hopeful, dreamy. I leave here a little hardened, down-to-earth, weary. I leave here for the reasons that maybe no one can appreciate... I want more. I want more than I can and have reached in four years. And yet, I want less. Less traffic. Less people. Less hoopla. Less anger and more love. Maybe I won't find that (again, idealistic), but at least I can try to pin my hope on the chance that maybe there's more love when the population is less.

I want something a little less complicated and a little more close to the heart. I'm still the same me. But I want more in the less. I want a family of my own. How I yearn, ache, LONG to have a child of my own. But for me, this is not the city to do that. I want to do more for others, but this is the city that won't accept it. I'm a simple girl, simple dreams, big ideas, but this place is not for me.

I am scared. Scared for me, The Big Guy, my Best Pal. But I know that I've exhausted my avenues here.

Into the great, wide open...