So, Dad's A Porn Star

Sometimes, you can will something to be. If you wish for it hard enough, or dream big enough and you keep vigilant, you can make something come true.

I have a self-fulfilling prophecy on a daily basis-- "Today, I will be yelled at by a crazy woman," and POOF! It happens. It varies, really, whether someone of authority or some lunatic with a few bucks in her pocketbook, but I can WILL this to be a truth. I've become so accustomed to it, that it really is funny at this point, and no longer shocking/uninvitingly rude as I once perceived.

I've wanted to do a show for YEARS now. My last time on stage was with the Big Guy in a summer stock show-- one of my fave shows, and a great experience save for the inclusion of my enmeshed-former-mentor-who-needs-to-learn-to-cut-the-cord (a story for another day). I've lived in two states since my last time "pretending" to be someone else, and I gotta tell you, life sucks without theatre. It is unbearably boring. It is unassuming, unpredictable, and completely beyond my own desires. I've expressed this so many times, I don't wanna do it anymore; you get it.

So an opportunity presented itself from an unlikely source-- a friend of the Big Guy referred me to the show she's starring in. They needed a fill-in for an actress who was going to be out for one performance. Could I do it? They heard I was funny.

When I got the message, I initially got scared. It had been soooooooooooo looooooooooooong since I did anything. Did I know how anymore? My Jessica Fashion and my Ma told me I could. So I did it. I returned the message, and I got the part-- something not all-too-far off from myself. I was cast as a character, an Orthodox Jew who let's loose with a couple adult beverages.

It's funny how rusty you feel, doing things that are so second nature to your being. Learning lines, something I could do at a moment's notice in the past, now was a TASK to complete. No rehearsals? Normally, no prob. But I actually found myself quite anxious about how it would all play out. No worries, though. A supportive director and producer helped to guide me through the process.

Then... I got sick. I mean, COME ON. The other 363 days of the year, I'm jacked and ready to go. But as soon as something that strays from "What can I help you find?", my body shuts down. I fought against the physical illness, though it threatened to (and eventually did) take my voice, I was determined to make it through and succeed at the performance. Feverish and wearing three layers of clothing (to combat the fever and make me seem more "bound up"), I was ready to rock this show. My first show in years... my first show in Los Angeles.

My BFF, my Jessica in the Land of Enchantment, heralded the day with a simple text:

"Break a leg... I'm proud of ya, girl. You are meant to be on-stage. :D fuck LA"

Fever making my brow sweat, my nerves focused more on my fading voice than on my return to stage, I went before a live audience of no more than 50... and I lived to tell the tale. It went well. Sure, my voice began to fade ON MY FIRST LINE, but I fought against the pounding, sweaty fever and failing voice to make it through the performance. My fellow actors, many of whom I met for the first time on performance night, were incredibly gracious, supportive and loving. I made it. I did it. I did a show in LA.

As I made my way to the Big Guy post-show, he hugged my clammy, feverish body, told me I did a good job. I smiled, sipped his drink, began to strip the layers and layers and layers of clothes I was now sweating through.

"You know..." the Big Guy began, "I recognize your dad," referring to a fellow character in the show.

"Really? From where?" I asked, stripping back the 2nd most layer of shirt.

"Well... let's just say... oh, fuck it... You're 'Dad's' a porn star," he said with a smirk.

"Whaaaaa?" I asked, intrigued.

Turns out, the actor playing my dad... well, he, unlike me, has booked jobs in LA. And his jobs? Well, they might be best viewed if you're over the age of 18. I didn't need the proof, for the Big Guy knows his "stuff", but he revealed the proof anyway.

And I gotta say... I am tickled. It's LA, people! And I am so glad that I finally did a show! And a show with a "porn" star? AWESOME. Judge all you want, I don't care! I've worked! He's worked! Welcome to show biz, biotches! I could leave this town today, and I have a fun story to tell. Now, would I like more stories? DUH. Come on, City of Angels-- DELIVER.