"Glee"less

I don't watch series premieres. Or series pilots. I'm not someone who can adequately gauge a book by its cover, and as far as new shows go, there's no worse barometer for what that show might be than the first episode. Just look at the pilot ep of "Sex and the City", with Carrie cutting away to speak directly to the camera (awful; the voiceover was better serving), the girls reduced to interviewees, or the character Skipper. Had I seen the pilot and been asked if the show was going to become one of my favorite series of all time, I would have told you and Skipper to take a hike (he eventually, begrudgingly, did).

So when it came to May 2009, when a new FOX pilot was slated to premiere post-American Idol finale, I had zero intention to tune in. Nope, I'm good watching vids online, thank you. But for some ungodly reason, I succumbed to my steadfast rule to avoid premieres. And boy, was I dealt quite the hand-- misunderstood teens; a creatively-stunted teacher; a young diva with a nose not unlike my own; and Journey, my God, they played the Journey card. I was SUCKED into the show. I found myself sobbing, gasping for air, so emotional was my first experience with the show. It spoke, no, SANG to me. I must have watched that pilot at least 60 times between it's original airing and the series' prolonged crawl to regular season. In the meantime, I spoke the Glee gospel, telling anyone who would give me a minute that they MUST watch it. I even caught The Big Guy into the Glee net.

I was delighted to watch the first season. The first season, though not entirely like the pilot, was quite entertaining. There's still a soft spot in my heart for the ep where Mr. Schu finds out Teri's terrible betrayal... and the scene where he, broken, rips the plastic off the ridiculous stack of new mattresses in the Glee room so he may rest his weary head on a comfy bed? Kills me. I even loved loved LOVED when the WHOLE New Directions group sang "Don't Stop Believing" for Regionals.

But then something happened. The second season was... well... remember when "Will and Grace" starting having a big name guest star here and there? And then, when they realized the audience liked seeing Michael Douglas act silly, the producers started adding famous guests in EVERY EPISODE and the show just sort of stopped being "Will and Grace" and became The Muppet Show? Yeah. Glee started to feel like Ryan Murphy's musical wet dream. Gaga likes Glee? Well, let's do a GAGA SHOW. Madonna's kids like Glee? MADONNA EPISODE! And then every episode had a Rachel solo... some pop ballad or song that she sings in such an overwrought, overdrawn voice. And the other Glee members, you know, like Tina-who-stutters-but-then-doesn't-stutter-because-Ryan-Murphy-copped-out-and-decided-she-was-faking (way to negate) or Mercedes, who can SANG? Well, they don't have Chord Overstreet's Abs! Or Darren Criss' Teeth! When was the last time Mercedes had a song, or a storyline, or a SONG? When was the last time anyone gave a crap about Finchel? What the hell is a Finchel? Really?

I can't even answer my own questions. I stopped watching a long time ago. And I did so reluctantly, like I didn't want to pull away from the scene of the crime. I feel the same way about "Heroes" and "Saturday Night Live"-- I feel like, if I stop watching, THAT will be the week it stops sucking. But with "Glee"... man... does every episode have to have a message brought to us by Ryan Murphy's favorite artist? I liked it better when Mr. Schu was trying to get the kids to find their voice, make their mark... if they weren't going to let us explore the core characters and allow us to see them evolve (besides, of course, Kurt, who is a great character, but let's face it, is he the only character besides Rachel that gets face time on that show? I mean, besides Chord's Abs).

I remember the last ep I watched... it was the Rocky Horror ep (Again, Mr. Murphy living out his fantasies... try to guess which Rocky Horror character is his favorite!). And it was so FORCED. The music was more fun when it had fresh arrangements, evolved from the plotline of the episode, and didn't feature Lea Michele EMOTING through every word of a song. I mean, she flares her nostrils better than the rest of us.

There was a time I dreamt of a "Glee" episode inspired by Janet Jackson's music, or Elton John's music, but I dreamt those because I theorized what the characters' storylines could evolve into and how the music could lend to those stories. Now, I quietly roll my eyes when Perez posts OMGOMGOMG GLEE SPOILERS!!!!! And maybe I stopped being the target audience of the show. Or I was never the target audience of the show.

Oh my God... that's it. It's not for me. Craaaaaaaaaap. But they had me at Journey! That's cold-blooded, Ryan Murphy.